Saturday, November 22, 2008

考试

我想只有失败过的人才会明白这种心情,我想我应该可以慢慢走出来的. 曾经问过朋友一个超欠扁的问题:心痛的感觉是怎么样的? 这就是心痛的感觉了吗? 我想我可能懂了.

你知道人通常遇见自己无法控制的事情,就会开始怨天尤人,觉得上天不公平. 我想我是处于这种状态中. 我突然领悟到,自己的生活才是最重要的. 上天是不会理会你办事有没有责任感,就算你在公司里的懒散是众所周知,就算你只是在公司里混水摸鱼,也无所谓. 因为我突然发现那些很轻易就怀上孩子的同事们,几乎都可归类于这一型. 虽然她们在公司不受欢迎,大部份人都害怕与她们一起工作,但至少她们在她们的家庭生活里是成功的. 当然我也不是个事业心重的人,工作对我来说就像考试,虽然不可能名列前茅,但却也不允许自己成绩太差. 简而言之,在决定选择生育这条路后,很有可能我就会是两头不到岸的那类型.

我很希望DH是个和我思想百分之百相符的人,我从小就是个不育主义者,很可惜他不是. 因为这样,生育这件事从去年开始就一直困扰着我,毕竟年级也大了. 我以为可以速战速决,原来上天没有忘记我欠缺的诚意,记得把不育这种病症完好无损的留给我. 我人生中因此多了一个科目,生平最没有信心和把握的考试.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

End of the Cycle

十一月十五日 星期六 阴

虽然已经猜到结果会是甚么,我也以为我已经准备好了. 但真正接到验血报告时,心情不免还是会难过. 没有原因, 就是这样. Embryos' quality is good, range from grade 4-5 and lining thickness was 12mm. 下一步应该会尝试FET,最早也要在农历新年过后了. 我知道这是我的报应,因为我不够爱小孩,所以上天是不会让我轻易得到他的.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

11dp3dt

My OHSS symptom suddenly disappeared yesterday. My appetite is back. I am happy that I am almost back to my normal life. But then, does it also mean that I have lost all my littles one? That's what I heard, it gets worse with pregnancy, and disappears if you're not pregnant.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

8dp3dt

因为有些担心,所以我昨天回去clinic一趟. 还好我的OHSS只是mild而已,需要持续吃高蛋白质的食物. 同时也会暂停Pregnyl injection因为这会加重我的OHSS. 我想这回应该是凶多吉少了吧. DH也觉得就当是给钱拿个经验好了.

Friday, November 7, 2008

6dp3dt

就最近这两天我的肚子又出事了. 我从来没像今天这么担心打针过,这些针会增加我的Hormon level吧! 也就意味着我的肚子还会更加涨吗? 它已经好像接近爆炸的边沿了. 昨天半夜两点多很不舒服的醒过来,好后悔晚餐吃的那包炒伊面. 我对自己说我不会再乱吃了. 后来打电话去clinic,因为我有点不想持续打那些针了,结果护士只是很冷淡的表示,这是正常的. 那我还能怎么样? 早餐乖乖喝Ensure+2 egg whites,午餐也不敢乱来,只吃了个香肠面包,我也冲了姜水喝. 希望今晚可以安眠.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

5dp3dt

我今天很不规矩,没冲Ensure喝,还吃了很多超咸的酸梅. 早餐狼吞虎咽的吃了一包干捞快熟面加蛋,午餐还很得意的在网上搜寻有那些Delivery. 结果因为只有我一个人吃,只能order Mcdonal,其它都太大份了. 没想到不下20分钟就送来了, 急促的從床上跳起来跑出去开门. 每天11AM-1PM是我insertion后躺着休息的时候,通常也会不知觉的小睡一会. 我竟然完全忘了我的小不点,冲上冲下的,到底小不点们还在不在呢? 然后我又像饿鬼般把grilled chicken folderover + fries + milo ice扫个清光. 没两下子我的报应来了,我的肚子又开始紧绷了起来,硬梆梆的,像打满了风的轮胎. 我多希望自己可以像卡通般用针在肚皮上刺个小洞,让风漏出来. 好辛苦,明明很饿,可是却只能吃一点,又控制不了自己的食欲. 唉..

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

4dp3dt

I have no appetite at all since I got up this morning. I don't know what happen to my stomach, I always feel full all the time. Eating strawberry is also too feeling for me, even 1 cup of water. I decided to cook multigrain porridge + mushroom for myself. The other dishes I had were not healthy except the fried egg with olive oil. But I like it so much and this was the 1st meal that I enjoyed so much after my ET.

They dun look delicious. But they are my favourite.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

3dp3dt

I woke up very early this morning. But had breakfast only at 9 something. Felt like eating instant noodle so much. I have decided to stop eating instant noodle ever since I decided to start IVF which is nearly 2 months already. Dr advised not to take too much of processed food. But this morning I just couldn't help. So I cooked 1 packet of instant noodle+egg.

10:00 AM Went to the opposite clinic for my Proluton Depot injection. It cost me SGD15. Then tapao my lunch, corn + carrot + pork rip soup and rice.

11:00AM As usual, I was asleep after my Cyclogest insertion during the 2 hour bed rest. Yesterday I have gotten my sms ready to enter the Smitten magazine contest. The 1st 100 sms that reached them at 1pm would win a SGD1900 Toshiba laptop. Too bad, it was already 1:30pm when I woke up. Aiyo..

Tonight my dinner would be koey teow + bee hoon goreng. It is going to be spicy again.

Monday, November 3, 2008

2dp3dt

开始放假一个人呆在家里. 早上醒来喝了一大杯水加点蜜糖,马上有要上厕所的感觉. 我已经有几天没办法上了,好开心,肚子也好像有些扁了,毒素都排得七七八八了吧.

今天我除了要自己去买午餐外,还要问问附近的药房,可否帮我打针. 有些闷,因为DH不让我用电脑,要知道我可是Internet addicted,这让我2WW的日子有些难挨. 觉得自己像个病人,一些小动作都好像会对腹部造成压力,不知如何是好.

早餐: Ensure + 2 egg whites
午餐: 楼下的杂饭,为了要吃得健康些才要了青菜,没想到会那么难吃.
晚餐: Bee Hoon Goreng很好吃,只是很辣,超爱吃辣,可是有必要减少吃辣吗?
零食: Brazil nuts, pumpkin seeds, Honey and Soya bean drink

ET

十一月一日 星期六 晴

9:45AM 我还是比预约早到一个小时. 医生因为有些紧急手术所以迟来.

11:15AM 终于见到医生了. I have 27 eggs retrived, 16 of them are fertilized, 3 poor quality embryos are discarded, 10 embryos are frozen. Dr recommended me to have 3 embryos transfer and these 3 are the best among all of them. However, I couldn't start the ET immediately. Dr asked me to take 1 1/2 glass of water and wait.

1:45PM I was already in the operating theater and the nurse has done the second US. I still need to hold my pee and wait.

2:45PM Another US, I could see from the screen that, it was clear now. The nurse informed the Dr and started the cleaning process and tied both my legs. I guess this is how people give birth bah.

3:00PM Finally, the Dr arrived. Dr asked me to relax otherwise it would be difficult for the embryos to stick to my lining. The whole process was quite fast. I could see my embryos on the screen. However, at that moment my concern was when I could pee. I don't think I could hold for another 1 hour inside there. Luckily the Dr got the nurse to help me. That was the 1st time I pee without going to the toilet. The nurse inserted a tube in me and walah my pee was gone in an instant. I have not forgetten to ask about my lining's thickness, according to the Dr it was about 12mm during the last scan.

4:30PM Leaving the Clinic. Everyone wishes me Good luck. They are getting ready to leave too. The clinic is supposed to close at 3pm.

Total cost for today is RM1300(ET) + RM2500(ICSI) + RM1035(Medicine)


Continue the insertions AM and PM daily


DH will help me to inject Pregnyl(2000iu=0.4ml) on 4th,7th & 10th Nov


I will look for a clinic nearby to help me on this injection